Missed Connections at the Coffee Shop, a parody by Mark C. Taylor

I find the Craigslist postings for Missed Connections to be really entertaining to read, so I came up with some fake ones of my own, all set in a coffee shop. 

W4M: You tried to order your coffee from the wrong end of the counter. The barista asked you if you wanted a cappuccino, and you didn’t know what that was. We talked briefly when I tried to help you put a lid on your coffee. You said you didn’t need one, and then you spilled most of it as you tried to open the door. My heart was melting for you. You’re a lot older than I am, but I’d love to expand your knowledge of coffee.

M4W: You were wearing a big floppy hat, Crocs with thick black socks, and a fanny pack. We didn’t talk, but I saw the lustful look in your eyes behind those thick lenses. 

M4W: You were standing in line right in front of me. You were on your cell phone literally the whole time. You flipped your long dark hair and it hit me right in the face. You didn’t seem to notice. You seemed annoyed at the barista, and you said she should “know exactly what I want” because you “come in here all of the freaking time.” I really liked the way you put that snotty little barista in her place. Maybe we can get coffee sometime? I know just how you like your mochas after you made the barista re-make it three times. 

W4M: You were wearing a white suit, which matched your hair. I couldn’t quite tell what kind of shoes you were wearing. Maybe Allen Edmonds? We talked for a minute as we both got straws. You complimented my dress. I should have gotten your number. I’m a sociologist, and I hope you enjoy status signifiers as much as I do. Tell me where my dress was from so I know it’s really you.

M4M: You were playing Pokémon Go the whole time and you didn’t even seem to notice that you were inside. You muttered something about getting resources when I tried to talk to you. Your unfamiliarity with basic social norms intrigued me. Wanna see if we can find Pikachu together?