Book Review: No Way to Treat a First Lady, by Christopher Buckley (2002)

Paperback cover of No Way to Treat a First Lady, by Christopher Buckley, 2002.

Novelist Christopher Buckley

As the political atmosphere seems to get worse and worse by the day, it feels almost quaint to recall the late 1990’s and early 2000’s. Bill and Hillary! Bob Dole! W! Al Gore! Novelist Christopher Buckley does an excellent job conjuring up that era in his 2002 novel No Way to Treat a First Lady. In the novel, First Lady Elizabeth Tyler MacMann wakes up to find a dead president next to her in bed. The evening before, the couple had quarreled over the President’s late-night visit to the Lincoln Bedroom, where he had an assignation with singer and movie star Babette Van Anka. After questioning, the First Lady is arrested for the assassination of her late husband. 

No Way to Treat a First Lady leads us through the “Trial of the Millennium” that inevitably ensues. The First Lady has entrusted one of the most famous defense attorneys in the country, Boyce “Shameless” Baylor to defend her. Awkward backstory: Boyce was engaged to Beth in law school, but she broke it off when she met the future President. Boyce has cycled through four marriages, the latest one lasting all of six months. As Boyce says, “We were blissfully happy the first two months.” (p.40) Boyce’s current flame is Perri Pettengill, who hosts a legal talk show called Hard Gavel. Perri is known for wearing very tight sweaters. She’s become so famous that “Tom Wolfe had mentioned her in an essay, calling her ‘the Lemon Tort.’” (p.14) 

I won’t spoil any more of the plot, but Buckley does an excellent job of winding this improbable case through its many twists and turns. Buckley is especially adept and handling the back and forth of the courtroom scenes. You could make the argument that there’s no one to really root for in the novel, but once Buckley compared Beth to Natalie Wood, she instantly had my sympathy. And in my head, I had cast Alec Baldwin as Boyce Baylor, so I found pretty much anything Baylor said to be quite hilarious. 

There are many humorous lines sprinkled throughout No Way to Treat a First Lady. The press’ nickname for Beth was “Lady Bethmac,” and Buckley gets off a great Macbeth pun by naming a Secret Service agent Woody Birnam. 

My other favorite lines from the book include:

“Hypocrisy is a prerogative of the press but must under no circumstances be tolerated in politicians.” (p.24)

“Sometimes the American Dream, like God, works in mysterious ways.” (p.113)

I also laughed heartily at Boyce’s list of Baby Boomer accomplishments: “Disco, junk bonds, silicone implants, colorized movies, the whole concept of stress as a philosophical justification for self-indulgence.” (p.133) 

Fans of Buckley’s other Washington, D.C. satires should note that John O. Banion, the lead character in Little Green Men, briefly appears, as does Nick Naylor, the unscrupulous lobbyist from Thank You for Smoking. Naylor has taken a job as a publicist for Babette Van Anka, a position that is more and more fraught with danger as the novel progresses. 

Buckley relentlessly skewers the ridiculousness of the press throughout the book. There are also many opportunities for the skewering of the legal profession, and one of my favorite quotes was this one: 

“There are few spectacles more pathetic than a roomful of otherwise responsible people trying to squirm out of a civic duty enshrined in Magna Carta as one of the signal boons of democracy. On the other hand, who in his right mind wants to serve on a jury?” (p.66) 

As someone who has served on a jury, I can identify with that sentiment. 

If you’re looking for an escape from the current political climate, you’ll enjoy No Way to Treat a First Lady.