Book Review: Clue a graphic novel written by Paul Allor, art by Nelson Daniel (2018)

Cover of the 2018 graphic novel Clue, based on the board game. The cover art is by George Caltsoudas, the art inside is by Nelson Daniel, and the graphic novel was written by Paul Allor.

Full disclosure: I love the board game Clue and the classic 1985 movie based on the board game. I’ve written about the movie here, as well as written reviews of the novel based on the screenplay, and the “storybook,” released as a movie tie-in. Chances are, if you fire a line from the movie at me, I’ll be able to respond with the next one.  

I didn’t hear about the 2018 graphic novel version of Clue when it was released. It was originally published as a 6-issue comic, and later as a book collecting all 6 issues. The graphic novel was written by Paul Allor, with art by Nelson Daniel. Looking at the sample of the graphic novel online, I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I really love Clue. On the other hand, I knew nothing in this graphic novel was going to top Madeline Kahn’s “flames on the side of my face” speech. I knew the graphic novel was not based on the film, so I wasn’t expecting it to be faithful to the film, but I was hoping that the graphic novel would have captured more of the film’s wacky charm. 

Like the film, the graphic novel features a chatty butler. Sadly, Upton, the butler in the novel, is not as entertaining as Tim Curry’s Wadsworth. Upton fussily insists on constantly breaking the fourth wall, eventually even dragging the editor of the graphic novel into it. Upton intruding on the narrative wasn’t a device I found effective. Just get on with the story. It also would have been nice if some of the “And here’s where our issue stops, find out what happens in our next issue” stuff could have been edited out for the book, since it doesn’t apply.  

Visually, the exterior design of the mansion is good, but the rooms and interiors are lacking the kind of little visual details that a house like that would have. The character design is fine, if a bit blocky for my taste. One of the smartest things the graphic novel of Clue does is to update and diversify the cast. It’s not just a bunch of white people anymore. (Although in the 1970’s version of the board game, Miss Scarlet was Asian.) There are a few new characters in the graphic novel, Dr. Orchid, and detectives Ochre and Amarillo.  

There are a few callbacks to the movie, such as Senator White saying, “Capitalism is never just a red herring,” a slight changing of the movie’s line “Communism is/was just a red herring.” For me, the funniest movie callback was Detective Amarillo quoting the final line of the movie. The graphic novel loses points for not including Yvette, the sexy French maid played by the stunning Colleen Camp. Oh well.  

A major difference from the movie is that in the graphic novel, a lot of the main characters die during the course of the evening, whereas in the movie it’s the supporting characters who get killed. I’m not sure how successful this is in the graphic novel. I’m sure part of the reason was to increase suspense throughout the six issues, but when all of the issues are combined into one, the deaths perhaps lose some of their impact, because you’re like, “Oh, that character is interesting. Well, now they’re dead.” I wonder how much of the plotting arc of the graphic novel was influenced by having six issues, and wanting to have six climaxes, whereas if the novel was written as a standalone project, perhaps it would have one climax.  

Most of the characters in the graphic novel are connected in some way, but the one exception is Miss Scarlett. (The graphic novel gives her two t’s at the end of her name.) In the graphic novel, Miss Scarlett is a pop singer who has been brought to the mansion to entertain after dinner. She hasn’t met any of the other guests before that evening, so her storyline feels pretty low stakes compared to the other characters.  

I found Clue the graphic novel to be moderately interesting, but it also feels like an opportunity lost.  

Book Review: Squeeze Me, by Carl Hiaasen (2020)

The striking cover of Squeeze Me, and the author Carl Hiaasen, 2020.

Carl Hiaasen’s 2020 novel Squeeze Me offers up his signature cocktail of Florida dysfunction and biting social satire. An addition to the mix this time around is Hiaasen’s venomous portrait of the Former Occupant of the White House and his wife. Although the Former Occupant is never named in Squeeze Me, it’s not hard to discern who the object of Hiaasen’s scorn and derision is. (Hint: it’s not Barack Obama!) If you need another clue, I’ll tell you that a major plot point revolves around the Former Occupant’s personal tanning bed.  

The plot of Squeeze Me is set in motion by the mysterious disappearance of Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons, last seen attending a charity gala at a fashionable mansion. When Kiki Pew’s dead body is finally found, the case takes many twists and turns, and the Former Occupant stirs up trouble by falsely accusing an illegal immigrant of murder. Throw in a subplot about the First Lady, referred to here as “Mockingbird,” her Secret Service code name, having an affair with one of her Secret Service agents, and Squeeze Me is full of over-the-top wonderfulness.  

One of my favorite lines in the novel occurred when a Secret Service officer asks his superior officer if perhaps the Former Occupant’s harebrained theory about what happened to Kiki Pew could actually be right. The officer responds: “Don’t you get it? It doesn’t fucking matter if he’s right or not. That’s the scary part.” (p.121) That’s precisely what worried me so much during those four long years of the Occupancy. The Former Occupant was never right, and it never seemed to fucking matter.  

The main character in Squeeze Me is Angie Armstrong, who specializes in wildlife removal. She’s a likeable protagonist, and she’s helped by many colorful characters as she tries to unravel the mystery and make sure that justice prevails.  

Squeeze Me is a fast and funny read, with some thrills along the way, and some laugh out loud lines as well.  

Book Review: God is My Broker, by Brother Ty, with Christopher Buckley and John Tierney (1998)

Cover of God is My Broker, by Brother Ty, with Christopher Buckley and John Tierney, 1998.

In the 1998 satire God is My Broker, authors Christopher Buckley and John Tierney take aim at business and self-help books and their promises of untold wealth and riches. The narrator of God is My Broker is “Brother Ty,” once a Wall Street stockbroker who left the market behind for the contemplative life of a monk at Cana monastery in upstate New York. Unfortunately, the monastery is nearly bankrupt. The monastery produces a dreadful wine, which was responsible for souring their relations with the Vatican after the Pope drank a glass. “Although it was never conclusively proved that our wine had caused his distress, the chemical analysis turned up a number of ‘impurities.’” (p.8)  

The Abbot of the monastery, running out of options, purchased a book by self-help author Deepak Chopra called Creating Affluence: Wealth Consciousness in the Field of All Possibilities.  

Brother Ty asks the Abbot: “Any lilies in this Field of All Possibilities?” 

“I haven’t gotten to the field part yet. He’s got this system called ‘The A-to-Z Steps to Creating Affluence.’ It’s either extremely profound, or—”

“Total rubbish?” 

“To be honest, I had an easier time understanding Aquinas. I have no idea what the man is talking about.” (p.11) 

Here’s the part where I inform you that the “Author’s Note” at the beginning of God is My Broker states: “Historians differ as to certain details of the life and writings of Saint Thaddeus of Thessaly. Rest assured, however, that every word quoted from the works of Deepak Chopra and other modern authors is strictly accurate, difficult as that may be to believe.” 

Brother Ty flips to the “W” section of Creating Affluence, to see if Chopra has anything to say about wine. There’s nothing about wine, but Chopra writes: “W stands for wealth consciousness without worries. Wealth consciousness implies absence of money worries. Truly wealthy people never worry about losing their money because they know that wherever money comes from there is an inexhaustible supply of it.” Chopra then relates an anecdote about the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Someone asked the Maharishi where the money for a project would come from. His response was “From wherever it is at the moment.” (p.11) It’s a great quote that is at the same time deeply profound and also mind-bogglingly naïve. It also sounds suspiciously like something someone who has never had to make a mortgage payment would say.  

The Abbot might as well have asked the baseball player Yogi Berra for financial assistance. (From my Googling, there are a fair number of websites that will translate Yogi’s sayings into stock market advice. Well, as Yogi would say, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”) Fortunately, Brother Ty is able to take a reading from the breviary and translate it into a stock tip that pays off for the monastery.  

As Brother Ty’s stock tips keep hitting big, the Abbot is convinced that the monastery needs to advertise their wine more. Brother Ty stubbornly insists that they need to concentrate on making “Wine that is free of rust. Wine that is not orange.” (p.62) Much to Brother Ty’s dismay, the monks end up re-bottling Chilean wine and adding just a few drops of the actual wine from Cana.  

Surely the monks can’t keep just re-bottling someone else’s wine? Of course not, and don’t call me Shirley. Since the monastery is now flush with cash, there are Executive Retreat Centers to construct, and attractions to be built, in order to attract tourists and pilgrims to Cana. One of the funniest scenes in God is My Broker is one that shows the intellectual divisions among the monks, as some have become strict adherents to the philosophy of Anthony Robbins, while others prefer the wisdom of Stephen Covey.  

Throughout God is My Broker, we learn the 7 ½ laws of spiritual and financial growth. At the end of each chapter, there are reflections and questions to help make sure that the reader is truly absorbing the 7 ½ laws. Some of my favorites: “After Cana, {where Jesus turned water into wine} do you suppose Jesus got invited to a lot of weddings?” (p.56) “How many times have I actually seen a camel not fit through the eye of a needle? If God didn’t want anyone to be rich, why did He make so much money?” (p.79) “Did not buying something nice ever make me happy? Did I ever see a gorgeous, expensive car in a showroom and say to myself, What a waste of money buying that would be!? Am I really saying, I’m not good enough for that car? Does God think that car is too good for me? Does God drive around in a ‘78 Corolla?” (p.105) “If God didn’t want people throwing stones, how come He left so many lying around?” (p.143)  

I also enjoyed the tidbits of wisdom from real self-help books, like this chunk of brilliance from Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich: 

1. 1. Fix in your mind the exact amount of money you desire. 

2. 2. Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire. 

3. 3. Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire. 

4. 
   

As the Abbot says, “How about twelve-twenty P.M.?” Anthony Robbins proves to be similarly inscrutable when pressed for specifics: 

“Let’s review the five fundamental lessons for creating lasting wealth. 

1. The first key is the ability to earn more income than ever before, the ability to create wealth. 

2. The second key is to maintain your wealth. 

3. The third key is to increase your wealth. 

4. The fourth key is to protect your wealth. 

5. The fifth key is to enjoy your wealth.” (p.165-7) 

6. 
   

The monks should have asked Yogi Berra, who probably would have responded with something like, “To be rich, you’re gonna have to make an awful lot of money.”  

God is My Broker is a fiercely funny satire that will tickle your funny bone, and perhaps inspire you to cleanse your bookshelf of pabulum that promises you rewards at no cost.