Meeting Miss Scarlet

My favorite movie of all-time is the 1985 classic Clue. I’ve seen it more times than I can count, and it’s been my favorite movie since I was a kid. Watching and re-watching it on VHS was a core childhood memory. When the opportunity came to see the movie and meet Lesley Ann Warren, aka Miss Scarlet, I jumped at the chance.  

My wife and I met Lesley Ann Warren before the show. With meet and greet things, I feel like you never quite know what it’s going to be like. Do I get 30 seconds with the person, or 3 minutes? But this turned out to be quite a lovely experience. Lesley Ann Warren was just delightful, very nice and sweet. She’s still gorgeous, as you can imagine, with sparkling green eyes, set off by her sparkly green jacket and pants. We each got one item signed by her: I found a very cute 8x10 on eBay of Warren from her terrific role in Victor/Victoria. As she was signing it, I realized that I needed to say something to her, so she knew what a fan of the movie I am. I said what a fan of hers we both are, and especially of her performance as Miss Scarlet. 

I brought along my copy of the 1985 book Clue: The Storybook, which was a large hardcover that was meant for younger readers. As I opened the book for Warren to sign it, she said “What is this?” She had never seen the storybook before! As a devoted Clue nerd, I was very proud of myself. I explained that it was a version of the movie for younger readers, but without most of the jokes. Instead of Mr. Green being gay, he’s having “a sort of an affair.” Warren flipped through it, looking at some of the photos. When she came across a photo of Martin Mull, she said “Oh, there’s my dear sweet Martin.” And on seeing one photo of herself she said, “There’s the dress that looks like it’s always about to fall down but never did.” When we shook hands she said, “Your hands are so warm!”  

Warren was interviewed on stage before the movie. She said she’s working on a one-woman show, which sounds like it would be amazing. Warren really got along well with Martin Mull, and they had a marvelous time cracking each other up on the set. Because her costume was so tight, and because she was wearing a period-appropriate corset, it was difficult if not impossible for Warren to sit down, so she spent a lot of her off-camera time on a leaning board so she could relax but still keep her dress pristine. The costume designer also made a second dress that had a hidden zipper, so Warren could run from room to room with the rest of the cast.  

At the time Clue was released, it was not a box-office smash, and it seemed like it would be just another project that would fade away. But the growing VHS and home rental market, as well as frequent airings on cable TV, gave Clue a remarkable afterlife. Clue was famously released with three different endings—newspaper ads would indicate which theater was showing which ending. It was a gutsy choice for Paramount, and while they were no doubt hoping that audiences would come back and see all three endings, it’s a lot to ask of people to sit through the same 85 minutes of a movie before the last 5 minutes are different. The different endings were a wonderful homage to the board game, as there are 324 possible solutions to the game. That’s 9 times 6 times 6. Or 6 times 6 times 9. But while the multiple endings might have confused audiences in the theaters, on VHS the 3 endings were combined, so we saw them one after the other. This was the perfect way to experience Clue. Warren told the audience that years after Clue had been released, she asked Martin Mull, “Are you getting, like a LOT of fan mail about Clue?” Mull replied, “You too?”  

When I was a little kid watching Clue, obviously a standout performance was Tim Curry as Wadsworth the butler. (“I buttle, sir.”) But watching the movie so many times over the years has given me reasons to appreciate the entire cast’s performances. As Warren said, “We were not comedians, we were all comic actors.” Bingo. And that’s why it worked so well. No one was trying to steal laughs, and they were all good enough actors to make their roles believable. (Well, except for Lee Ving, who is terrible as Mr. Boddy.)  

As a little kid, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of Miss Scarlet. I knew we were supposed to find her attractive—she’s a beautiful woman in a stunning dress, after all. But I wasn’t sure what to make of her brash, bold personality. So, I shied away from Miss Scarlet and instead developed a crush on Mrs. White, so exquisitely played by the wonderful Madeline Kahn. The fact that Mrs. White had perhaps killed several of her husbands seemed to have escaped me. (“Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.”)  

Watching Clue as an adult, I’m more drawn to Miss Scarlet. And a large part of that is Warren’s outstanding performance. Miss Scarlet is never scared by the events of the evening; she takes it all in stride and keeps making snappy wisecracks throughout the proceedings. (“It’s my defense mechanism.”) Miss Scarlet is probably the character I’d most want to hang out with. It’s a great performance that just grows with multiple viewings. 

Book Review: Clue: The Storybook, adapted by Ann Matthews (1985)

Clue: The Storybook, adapted by Ann Matthews, 1985. (Photo by Mark C. Taylor)

The wonderful cast of Clue. From left to right: Lesley Ann Warren, Martin Mull, Madeline Kahn, Michael McKean, Tim Curry, Christopher Lloyd, and Eileen Brennan.

The 1985 murder mystery comedy Clue is my favorite movie. I wrote an article about it earlier this year. And I just wrote about the novel based on the screenplay. In a similar vein, I’ll discuss Clue: The Storybook, which was adapted by Ann Matthews. Like the novel, it sells for ridiculous prices on Amazon. Clue: The Storybook was published by Little Simon, a division of Simon & Schuster that produces books for children. Considering that the plot of Clue is all about blackmail and contains multiple murders, it might not have been the best candidate for the Little Simon storybook treatment. That being said, I saw Clue at a pretty early age, although not in the theater, and it doesn’t seem to have warped me too much. 

Clue: The Storybook reads like a version of the movie with all of the jokes left out. Some of the content has been edited to make it more acceptable for children. Which means that when in the movie Mr. Green tells everyone that he’s gay, in the Storybook he says: “I work for the state department, and I am engaged in a relationship that I have to keep quiet…sort of an affair.” (p.23) So he’s having “sort of an affair”? That makes zero sense. 

And many of the best parts of the movie just don’t appear. For example, Wadsworth and Colonel Mustard’s great back and forth about whether or not there’s anyone else in the house is skipped over. (“No. Sorry. I said no meaning yes.”) Instead of the elaborate scenes concocted to keep the police officer ignorant of the murders that have occurred, in the Storybook his suspicions are assuaged when Miss Scarlet simply tells him, “We’re having a party.” (p.43) 

The best part of the Storybook is that it’s lavishly illustrated with stills from the movie. The endpapers also give us a nice floorplan of Hill House, which is set up exactly like the game board. 

Clue famously featured three different endings when it was released in theaters, and a fourth ending was filmed, but cut before the movie was released. Like the novel, the Storybook also features the fourth ending. The gist of it is that Wadsworth killed everyone, and then poisoned all of the guests, who will die within three hours if they don’t get an antidote. The police show up, and Wadsworth starts another reenactment of the entire evening, but then steps out the front door and steals a police car. He is then attacked by the police dogs in the back seat. (Presumably, the guests get the antidote in time.) It’s understandable why this ending was cut from the film, but it’s interesting to read. The film of it is apparently lost, since it’s never reappeared on any of the DVDs of the movie. 

Speaking of endings, why isn’t there a “Colonel Mustard did it” ending? There’s a lot of suspicion thrown towards his character during the film, and he’s also connected to two of the victims. But I digress.

The Storybook also features the original version of the “Mrs. Peacock did it” ending, which ends with her getting shot by the Chief. This was changed at some point. But the Storybook has Mrs. Peacock encounter the Chief, who she still thinks is a religious beatnik, outside of the mansion. He persuades her to put her gun down, and then just as she gets to her car she asks, “How did you know my name?” “He laughed. Then he picked up the revolver and shot Mrs. Peacock dead.” (p.54) Yikes! Shooting an unarmed suspect is a pretty harsh end for Mrs. Peacock. The novel has Mrs. Peacock put her gun down, but also makes it clear that she is still alive after she’s arrested by the police. I wonder if Mrs. Peacock’s getting shot is the reason for Mr. Green referring to her in the past tense in this classic exchange:

Wadsworth: “You see, like the Mounties, we always get our man.”

Mr. Green: “Mrs. Peacock was a man??”

(Colonel Mustard and Wadsworth both slap Mr. Green) 

Clue: The Storybook is entertaining for diehard fans of the movie like myself, and it will definitely make you want to watch the movie again, so you can experience it with the jokes.

Book Review: Clue, a novel by Michael McDowell, based on the screenplay by Jonathan Lynn (1985)

My copy of Clue the novel, by Michael McDowell, 1985. (Photo by Mark C. Taylor)

The cast of Clue. From left to right, Lesley Ann Warren, Martin Mull, Madeline Kahn, Michael McKean, Tim Curry, Christopher Lloyd, and Eileen Brennan.

My favorite movie is the 1985 murder mystery comedy Clue. I wrote an appreciation of it earlier this year. In my desire to collect all things related to Clue, I purchased the novel tie-in, written by Michael McDowell, based on Jonathan Lynn’s screenplay. Clue the novel is noteworthy for being notoriously expensive, because Clue the movie is amazing, and people like me want to buy everything associated with it. I’m a little embarrassed to admit how much I paid for it; suffice it to say that it was much more than the original list price of $2.95. 

The novel is well done, and McDowell’s talent is evident. The first few pages of the novel delve into the history of Route 41, the fictitious highway off of which Hill House, the mansion that is the setting for the movie, is located. It’s the kind of detail you couldn’t include in a movie, and it makes the novel fun to read.

Throughout the novel, McDowell has some great descriptions of the characters. One of my favorite lines was “Yvette was the ne plus ultra of downstairs maids.” (p.6) This statement is true, as anyone who has seen Collen Camp as Yvette can attest to. There’s also a great sentence about “Wadsworth’s tediously detailed recapitulation of the evening.” (p.144) 

For dedicated Clue watchers like myself, the novel gives us some minor differences from the movie. (If you haven’t seen the movie a million times like I have, this will no doubt bore you to tears.) In the novel, the cook says that dinner will be ready at 9:30. Who eats that late? In the movie, dinner is served at the more reasonable time of 7:30. The novel also gives us some details of the scenes missing from the movie, but featured in the trailer, like this exchange:

Colonel Mustard: “Why are you screaming?”

Mr. Green: “Because I’m frightened!”

Colonel Mustard: “Of what?”

Mr. Green: “Screaming!” 

Another tiny detail from the novel that didn’t make it into the film is a line about whoever shot the singing telegram girl seeing the headlights of her car coming up the drive towards the house. It makes sense that someone would see the headlights, and thus be alerted that someone else was coming to the house, but I’d never thought of it before. 

Clue the movie is famous for having three different endings, each of which featured a different suspect as the killer. A fourth ending was also shot, and it’s included in the novel. The gist of it is that Wadsworth killed everyone, and then poisoned all of the guests, who will die within three hours if they don’t get an antidote. The police show up, and Wadsworth starts another reenactment of the entire evening, but then steps out the front door and steals a police car. He is then attacked by the police dogs in the back seat. (Presumably, the guests get the antidote in time.) It’s understandable why this ending was cut from the film, but it’s interesting to read. Presumably the film of it is lost, since it’s never reappeared on any of the DVDs of the movie. 

As a Minnesotan, I have to fault McDowell for one error in the book, as he refers to Joe McCarthy as “the Senator from Minnesota,” instead of Wisconsin. (p.67) 

If you’re a fan of Clue the movie, you’ll definitely enjoy Clue the novel. Hopefully you can find a copy somewhere for $2.95.